Quote

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Park
Didn
Parks
Men
Cars
Jewish
Policeman
Car
Curb
Humor
Pulls
Says
Policemen
Asks
Cop

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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman