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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Fell
Humor
Funny
Slid
Italy
Bomb
Italian
Bombs
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
