Quote

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Blood
Funny
Must
Egyptian
Trying
Introduction
Every
Kiss
Time
Kissing
Humor
Says

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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman