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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Says
Blood
Funny
Must
Egyptian
Trying
Introduction
Every
Kiss
Time
Kissing
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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