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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Every
Kiss
Time
Kissing
Humor
Says
Blood
Funny
Must
Egyptian
Trying
Introduction

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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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