Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Says
Blood
Funny
Must
Egyptian
Trying
Introduction
Every
Kiss
Time
Kissing
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman