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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Introduction
Mets
Humor
Face
Faces
Funny
Ever

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman