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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Hats
Insult
Wearing
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman