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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Funny
Hats
Insult
Wearing

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman