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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Wearing
Humor
Funny
Hats

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman