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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Hats
Insult
Wearing
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman