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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Pet
Shops
Insult
Humor
Funny
Haircut
Haircuts
Shop
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
