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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Humor
Funny
Haircut
Haircuts
Shop
Pet
Shops
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
