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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Haircut
Haircuts
Shop
Pet
Shops
Insult
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman