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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Shop
Pet
Shops
Insult
Humor
Funny
Haircut
Haircuts
More quotes by Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
