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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Insult
Humor
Less
Funny
Think
Thinking
Rude

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman