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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinking
Rude
Insult
Humor
Less
Funny
Think
More quotes by Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman