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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinking
Rude
Insult
Humor
Less
Funny
Think

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman