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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinking
Rude
Insult
Humor
Less
Funny
Think

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman