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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Small
Funny
Mice
Hotel
Room
Humor
Rooms

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman