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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mice
Hotel
Room
Humor
Rooms
Small
Funny

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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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