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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Room
Humor
Rooms
Small
Funny
Mice
Hotel

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman