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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Nail
Closet
Closets
Nails
Hotel
Lovely
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman