Quote

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lovely
Humor
Funny
Nail
Closet
Closets
Nails
Hotel

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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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