Quote

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Funny
Nail
Closet
Closets
Nails
Hotel
Lovely

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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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