Quote

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Funny
Nail
Closet
Closets
Nails
Hotel
Lovely

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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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