Quote

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Race
Post
Funny
Racing
Comes
Posts
Left
Stands
Another
Horse
Mind
Window
Way
Humor
Asks
Betting

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Image
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Image
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
Image
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Image
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Image
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Image
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Image
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
Image
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman