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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mind
Window
Way
Humor
Asks
Betting
Race
Post
Funny
Racing
Comes
Posts
Left
Stands
Another
Horse

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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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