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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Left
Stands
Another
Horse
Mind
Window
Way
Humor
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Betting
Race
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Funny
Racing
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More quotes by Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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