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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Home
Stable
Racing
Horse
Late
Humor
Getting
Funny
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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