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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Stable
Racing
Horse
Late
Humor
Getting
Funny
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More quotes by Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
