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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Home
Stable
Racing
Horse
Late
Humor
Getting
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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