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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Horse
Late
Humor
Getting
Funny
Home
Stable
Racing

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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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