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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Home
Stable
Racing
Horse
Late
Humor
Getting
Funny

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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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