Quote

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Golf
Climbed
Humor
Chunks
Playing
Ants
Saying
Missed
Funny
Dirt
Bigs
Killed
Another
Ball
Swung
Balls
Chunk

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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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