Quote

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bigs
Killed
Another
Ball
Swung
Balls
Chunk
Golf
Climbed
Humor
Chunks
Playing
Ants
Saying
Missed
Funny
Dirt

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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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