Quote

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Chunks
Playing
Ants
Saying
Missed
Funny
Dirt
Bigs
Killed
Another
Ball
Swung
Balls
Chunk
Golf
Climbed

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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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