Quote

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bigs
Killed
Another
Ball
Swung
Balls
Chunk
Golf
Climbed
Humor
Chunks
Playing
Ants
Saying
Missed
Funny
Dirt

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman