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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Chunks
Playing
Ants
Saying
Missed
Funny
Dirt
Bigs
Killed
Another
Ball
Swung
Balls
Chunk
Golf
Climbed
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
