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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Drunk
Dial
Humor
Meter
Goes
Parking
Says
Quarter
Funny
Lost
Quarters
Another
Pounds
Puts
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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