Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Like
Turns
Clean
Funny
Gave
Dropped
Around
Walking
Nurse
Look
Office
Doctor
Looks
Health
Bill
Right
Humor
Bills
Make
Dead
Doctors
Men
Turn
Leaving
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman