Quote

Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Like
Turns
Clean
Funny
Gave
Dropped
Around
Walking
Nurse
Look
Office
Doctor
Looks
Health
Bill
Right
Humor
Bills
Make
Dead
Doctors
Men
Turn
Leaving

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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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