Quote

Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Make
Dead
Doctors
Men
Turn
Leaving
Like
Turns
Clean
Funny
Gave
Dropped
Around
Walking
Nurse
Look
Office
Doctor
Looks
Health
Bill
Right
Humor
Bills

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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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