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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Right
Humor
Bills
Make
Dead
Doctors
Men
Turn
Leaving
Like
Turns
Clean
Funny
Gave
Dropped
Around
Walking
Nurse
Look
Office
Doctor
Looks
Health
Bill
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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