Quote

Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Like
Turns
Clean
Funny
Gave
Dropped
Around
Walking
Nurse
Look
Office
Doctor
Looks
Health
Bill
Right
Humor
Bills
Make
Dead
Doctors
Men
Turn
Leaving

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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