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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Ringing
Doctor
Doctors
Ears
Answer
Humor
Answers
More quotes by Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman