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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Little
Doctors
Way
Dinner
Men
Wine
Humor
Says
Funny
Pregnant
Doe
Usual
Littles
Doctor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman