Quote

Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Dinner
Men
Wine
Humor
Says
Funny
Pregnant
Doe
Usual
Littles
Doctor
Little
Doctors

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Image
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
Image
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Image
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Image
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
Image
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Image
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Image
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Image
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman