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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Dinner
Men
Wine
Humor
Says
Funny
Pregnant
Doe
Usual
Littles
Doctor
Little
Doctors
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman