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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doe
Usual
Littles
Doctor
Little
Doctors
Way
Dinner
Men
Wine
Humor
Says
Funny
Pregnant

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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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