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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Asks
Puzzles
Funny
Chest
Men
Chests
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stand
Stethoscope

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman