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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Puzzles
Asks
Chest
Funny
Chests
Men
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stethoscope
Stand

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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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