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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stand
Stethoscope
Asks
Puzzles
Funny
Chest
Men
Chests
Doctor

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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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