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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Chest
Men
Chests
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stand
Stethoscope
Asks
Puzzles
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
