Quote

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stand
Stethoscope
Asks
Puzzles
Funny
Chest
Men
Chests

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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