Quote

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Asks
Puzzles
Funny
Chest
Men
Chests
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Stand
Stethoscope

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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