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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Says
Funny
Tell
Live
More quotes by Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman