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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Called
Arthritis
Came
Answered
Funny
Check
Back
Checks
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Saying
Cohen
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
