Quote

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Saying
Cohen
Called
Arthritis
Came
Answered
Funny
Check
Back
Checks
Doctor
Doctors
Humor

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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman