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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Came
Answered
Funny
Check
Back
Checks
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Saying
Cohen
Called
Arthritis
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
