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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Back
Checks
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Saying
Cohen
Called
Arthritis
Came
Answered
Funny
Check
More quotes by Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman