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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Check
Back
Checks
Doctor
Doctors
Humor
Saying
Cohen
Called
Arthritis
Came
Answered
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
