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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Credit
Cutting
Week
Poor
Lasts
Last
Surgery
Plastic
Cards
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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