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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Stupidity
God
Okay
Psychiatrists
Friends
Psychiatrist
People
Mentally
Check
Checks
Ill
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
