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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Checks
Ill
Stupidity
God
Okay
Psychiatrists
Friends
Psychiatrist
People
Mentally
Check
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
